Life out of balance. Unbalanced life.
It is time for a change. Five months since I’ve come here. At first it was because I was ready to change what drums I beat upon. For a time I had little to say on these things. Then it became habit to stay away. And then came unbalance.
We have so many roles in life. Worker, philosopher, lover, volunteer, parent. And I had all these balls flying in the air, and I was pretty happy with it all. We’ve built most of the huge treehouse, I’ve convinced dozens of people to fly to Ireland to rent a castle with me, I’ve had a great time camping with my oldest son, I finally replaced the kitchen door. But for a while now, I’ve let The Job take over. Out of balance.
There are a dozen different reasons. My family relies on my paycheck. I belong to a team with a culture of constant deadlines. I enjoy the work. The work I do really benefits from long stretches of creative focus. I’m obsessive by nature. My boss pushes constantly. “These uncertain times.” But when do I pray? Spring has come and it is beautiful; when do I bask? I work for my family, but when do I enjoy them? When do really enjoy them, without distraction?
And when do I write? Even now, I know if I’m writing, I should be writing something else. I’m horribly behind on writing projects with deadlines looming, yet I wanted to come back here for a few minutes. Drop in. Peek in the windows. Finally write about Zen Speaks, or this last weekend and sitting in a Southern Baptist church again, watching their blood magic ritual, thanking all that is truly holy that two of my children slept through the more gruesome parts of the sermon. And by the time I get to writing that, it’ll be out of season, and blogging should be done in its season, right?
And I’m torn by that. I believe in the power of time, and points in time, and the cycles of the seasons. I think they’re so very important. And yet another equinox slid by unnoticed, while I focused on the latest deadlines. Perhaps it is better to comment on things out of their proper time than not to do so at all. Perhaps you all need a good talk about Thanksgiving.
Enough for the moment. Balance suggests I should sleep now. Or at least finish my volunteer writing assignment that I completely skipped this week, having spent every spare moment working.
I miss you all. I’m crawling back.